After last night, I could never be a politician.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
