So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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