Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
