Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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