Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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