Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
