I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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