They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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