I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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