I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Randomize
