That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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