You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
