she woke up with a sticky ear
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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