my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
