This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
