WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
