Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
