meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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