Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
