She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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