I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
