you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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