Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
