Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
