dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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