dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
