Porn is love you can see.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
