I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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