Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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