I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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