some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
