You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
