i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
