Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
