we have pet lesbian snakes
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
