I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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