I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
