The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
