i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if only i could text you this smell
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
