so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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