i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
