Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
These tits shall not be calmed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
