dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
