He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
