Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
