I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
