Kiss
Puke
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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