P.S. I can't hear my feet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
