I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
