You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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