I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
