Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
